You Might Not Be Ready for This – and That’s Truly OK.
I’ve been reading Hospicing Modernity lately, and there was something so striking at the beginning of the book: just before you get started reading, they have a fairly extensive section that asks, “Are you sure you’re ready to read this?, and indicates several ways in which the book may not be for every reader: it may not be the right time. It might bring things up. You might want to make sure you’ve got some qualified helpers to call on if that happens.
I found that so kind, and beautiful – and it made me think about just how intense the work of growth, or even just of simply being human, can be. And while I’m so grateful that we’ve had a swing in the past decades away from bottling things up, and towards self-care and personal growth, there’s an undeniable thread that runs through that world.
You should be growing. You should be looking at the hard things. You should be engaging with – or even optimizing! – your healing journey, it whispers.
“Or ... you shouldn’t,” I reply.
This work is deep, and sometimes you’re just not in the space to engage with it the way you want to, or even at all. Sometimes you’re just being. Sometimes that is the work! Healing, growth, all that, can be enough of a process on its own, without you adding in extra stress, or the need to perform your way through it.
That simply might not be for you now – and that’s truly OK.
I don't mean this in the salesy, bootcampy, reverse-psychology way of “You can’t do this! (Now don’t you want to prove me wrong?) Instead, my hope is that you’ll feel a sense of relief, and maybe even a little bit of trust in yourself, that you know what’s right for you at any given time, and what’s not for you.
I mean, that's one of the foundations of why I do this work: building a secure, trusting relationship with yourself.
As I said last month, there are some things about the unfolding of life we simply can’t see until they happen. What might it look like to trust that you were doing what you needed to do, in exactly the moment you needed to do it? What might change about the way you approach your healing, personal growth, or life in general if you didn’t have to worry about “doing” it, and were able to focus more on allowing it, and engaging with what comes? What if you could move towards things that feel like a lean in, instead of a should? (Do you know the difference? If not, maybe you just start exploring there.)
If you’re feeling a little stressy and tight-shouldered about that, I get it. And, my invitation to you is to see if you can find the tiniest little sense of trust in it, and relief that you don’t have to orchestrate it all.
Try this:
If you feel that stressy, sometimes desperate need to DO SOMETHING that involves a need to fix, see if you can slow down just a little. Slowing down might help a flail, and reveal what actual support you crave.
Start noticing in your everyday rhythms things that have a sense of resistance but you “should” do them. Also notice things you find a natural sense of leaning toward, easily picking up the task. See if you can bring that awareness into times when you feel a need for support. Is there a lean in sensation combined with fear? Or a true “I don't have capacity right now.”?
The tricky thing is, the support can expand capacity. Often, that's what one-off sessions are great for: you aren't interested or able to take on a big healing journey, but could use a boost, or some soothing. Of course, if you do feel it's time for some focused attention on growth, I’m always here to support that, too. Find out more about what that could look like here.
