I’ve been dealing with a situation for a while now. I knew there was something off, deep down. I kept trying to stick it out, thinking it would get better, or I’d make it better. I was just kind of in it, and well, inertia happens. Finally, things got to the point where I resolved it. I made the change, I dealt with the logistics, I finally admitted that no matter what I did, it wasn’t going to get better.
It’s been both very freeing, and also pretty damn crunchy. But it got me thinking about letting go. And as soon as I started making some notes on the topic, I found that whoops, I’ve got more than one musing’s worth of things to say!
So this post is the start of a series on letting go — why we hang on, how we let go, and how we take care of ourselves afterward.
It’s been a long time coming. In fact, though I didn’t realize it at the time, the last two months’ worth of musings have been leading up to it, and mirroring the process of letting go.
First, I talked about rest, and how having that space can lead to the realization that you’d like some things to be different. Then I talked about living into that new, different reality. That’s the process, big picture. But if it’s so straightforward, why does it feel like such drama?
One big part is because we often stick with things even when we have an inkling that they’re no longer (or maybe never were) for us.
Why do we do that?
I think there’s a few reasons:
We’re not ready to know yet. Much like my situation, I knew, but I didn’t know know. I wasn’t ready to look at it.
We feel like admitting that we need to change means admitting we’ve failed, or, even deeper, that we’re a failure.
We’re grieving the future we thought we’d have with the thing. This often happens after you let yourself know it, but still aren’t ready to let go yet.
We don’t want to deal with the logistical fallout that will come with changing the thing. Valid.
And I think most of all, we fear the uncertainty that comes with letting go of the thing. Because even if the thing you’re stuck with isn’t great, at least you know what flavor of not great it is. You know you can deal with it, because you’re currently dealing with it. But there’s no way to know exactly how the future will play out if you do let go of the thing, which makes it easy to sort of froth yourself up into fear over the uncertainty.
None of these things are bad. They are, in fact, all very human. And eventually, you’ll be ready to make the change. Or you won’t. I’ll be talking more about that in the next part of this series, but for now, I’m curious, did any one of those resonate with you?
And whether something resonated or not, here’s a few things you can try the next time you find yourself stuck with something longer than you’d like.
Try This:
As discussed in previous posts, can you find some space for rest and reflection? Sometimes getting even a bit of remove from the thickness of the thing can offer clarity.
Writing a future story of what life without the thing would look like if it went the way you hoped. Fill it in with as much detail as you can muster. Despite any “yeah, but…” that might come up, the writing can carry its own magic when approached with a soft openness to see how the story could look.
That thing where the uncertainty seems way worse than what’s happening while you’re in the thing? Depending on the effects or scope the thing has in your life, the story that the unknown would be worse often needs to be compared to the real-life toll the current situation is. Reflecting, writing, consulting your higher self or wise guides to see the true toll can help give a nudge toward taking care of yourself through letting go, or at least diminishing the reach the troubling situation might have.
Whatever stage you find yourself in whether still in the thick of a thing you know isn’t ideal, in some form of trying to fix or let go or in between, can you find a generous dose of compassion and trust that where you are is OK, and you are doing the best you can in the moment?
As always, I’m here for you if you’d like some support as you go through the process of letting go. (Or if you’ve got anything else you’d like support with, for that matter!) Find out more about how we can work together here.
